Why is Gutap better than so many popular forms of reframing like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and NLP?

Start with what is obviously a problem for you that you want to work on. Ask yourself what you believe that is not working that needs to change for you to be healthy and successful.

Here is a fun, short little cartoon someone created on awareness that I have found helpful:

Then>
1. Get educated: psychology, self-improvement, science, politics, cultural norms and deviations
2. learn from recognized professionals
3. Find what makes real honest, fair sense and begin applying it to see if it will work
4. Measure results: test things out to see what actually works in helping you
5. Get appropriate feedback from friends, family, trusted associates, coworkers, and professionals
– From competent people who you can trust

There is a difference between genuinely healthy actions and just personal preferences in determining what is healthy and what will actually work.

Exercise is scientifically proven to be healthy for almost everyone (unless you have medical problems). Now, having said that, there are so many forms, intensities, and variations. The different ways to go about exercising is just personal preference. Or depends on what you want to accomplish.

Healing and learning skills are two different things. Wanting to exercise is very different from being able to learn the breast stroke in swimming, how to run a marathon, or lifting weights in the gym. Swimming, running, and weight lifting require learning different types of skills. Don’t confuse skills learning with healing.

Here are some basic guidelines in choosing a professional to work with.
1 Are they competent in teaching what I need (not just doing)?
2 Do we like each other?

They know me well because it is a very personal process
How well will we work together?
How do we know that we will accomplish our intention?

These are the five questions I ask a professional before I hire them.
How many people have you trained in this area?
How do I know you can train in this area?
What do you know about my personal problem?
What can you teach me about how to deal with the cost?
What results can I expect?

It gets complicated but not impossible. Complication is just one of the reasons why the greatest minds in the world have not been able to figure out Gutap.

I have often seen the reframing method used that you describe. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and NLP are just two of the more recognizable forms of reframing. Overwriting one behavior with another. Its success depends on how strong the feelings are associated with the false belief. There can be some success if a much stronger positive feeling is used to overwrite a negative one. The problem is that negativity can always be the exact amount of strength as the positive one. They can be equal. Negativity can even out way the positive feeling. (Or that negativity cannot be eliminated from the universe, so what do we do with it.) Which is more often the real problem. It is often said that seven or more compliments are needed to out way just one negative insult. This is why reframing fails so often. The negative false belief is simply erasing your “opposite” positive feeling faster than you can overwrite it. What you need to do is find the matching positive feelings. Only that will supplant the original false belief for good.

In this case negativity can often out way the positive belief because of a higher law in place. The higher law is the long term success of our self-improvement. Meaning if the positive feeling doesn’t match exactly then the old false belief gets to hold out and stay. You can’t force feelings and expect them to work well.

Can you force someone to fall in love with you? That is what reframing and overwriting are claiming.

Can you force a teenager to behave? That is what reframing and overwriting are claiming.

Can you force the middle east to resolve their terms? That is what reframing and overwriting are claiming.

Can you force someone to forgive another individual? That is what reframing and overwriting are claiming.

It gets a little confusing because there is a place for will power (short term forcing things together) in the healing process. But it is not in the reframing but it is also not even in choosing the opposite behavior which is positive. Not just any positive feeling will cure any false belief. It has to be just the right matching one.

For example: There is a simple cure for anger. One thing. And only one thing that cures anger. It is forgiveness. Forgiveness cures anger. Nothing else. Gratitude, opportunity, perspective, context, enthusiasm, courage, being free, excitement, trust, and being certain do not cure anger. They are the wrong positive match of feelings. Only forgiveness cures anger. And it does it in less than two seconds (if you do it). Letting go, get off it, moving on – these are all soft forms of forgiveness and will probably get you there as well. What is interesting is the end result is also not the cure for forgiveness. People often say to calm down, relax, or be happy. But you can’t really get to have those things until you forgive. Only by forgiving are you able to then move to these other emotional states of being calm, relaxing, and being happy. People often confuse the end result of being cured as the cure itself. It is what reframing has confused as well. You can rewrite calm, relax, and happy on your anger all you want but it won’t change it. It will only move it around. Only forgiveness will resolve it once and for all.

Well, what about the fullness of joy and love? Won’t that feeling cure my anger because love is the answer. Love includes all the positive emotions like forgiveness so just let love into my anger and that will do it, right? Nope. It won’t work because the cure is now too big. Anger can go passive aggressive and hide out now because you are over doing it. Before it was the wrong match of positive emotion. Now it is too big. Pure love is a cure for something else, not anger.

The moment you leave your “path” a false belief is created. In that same moment your way back was also created. You don’t get to choose the way back after that because it was already done. To determine your own answer at that point is delusional. Just because it is wonderful does not mean it will help your own false belief. The good news? Your own answer is always wonderful but maybe not the wonderful you would have liked it to have been. But once you are healed you have the ability to achieve whatever positive result you would have liked to have picked. You don’t get that option until you are healed though.

Because there has never been an answer like this before self-improvement gurus keep promising quick fixes and pleasant work to flatter people into attending their courses. By promising that the road to health and success is easy and pleasant then they get butts in seats and make incredible amounts of money. The problem is that it doesn’t work which is one of the reasons that the self-improvement arena is seen as being full of charlatans, liars, cheats, and just plain frauds and thieves. Even the field of psychology is rejected as a “real” science by many professionals. But people don’t care that it doesn’t work because they feel good: entertained, flattered, rejuvenated, etc. etc. by the end of the workshop/session even though their programming has not really been changed.

Here is a whole other thread on debating someone over whether The Sedona Method works or not. This should also help shed some light on the difference between significant progress and complete resolution. (only 2 pgs.)

Warrior Forum – Mind Warriors: The Sedona Method changed my life

Remember – counting to ten, going for a walk, or seeing it from their perspective will have significant progress in resolving your anger. But you will still be angry only just less so by doing these things. Only forgiveness cures anger completely. Just do that and you don’t have to waste all that time and energy with those coping skills.

Just do what works and you get what you want every single time.

(Oh, and I have written out the whole process of Gutap as a book on my site for anybody who wants a complete description of the process.)

The law that supercedes attraction

Taking action is even more important than thinking. Technically we don’t do anything without thinking about it first though. But what I am talking about is that there are way more people who are egocentric, off base, or control freaks who are rich than those who enjoy their success.

Look at the people running hedge funds, upper management at most Fortune 500 companies, or the rest of Wall Street and in banking. They just are not into “their inner being”. They are into taking massive action in producing results. Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and many others are not that well balanced.

Taking action trumps how we think.

A bicycle doesn’t care what we feel about it. A laptop doesn’t care if we believe in it. The rising sun doesn’t give a hoot if we are worried about tomorrow. These things work whether we feel impotent or not.

Now, we all know here, that enjoying wealth and success while being healthy, responsible, and appropriate is a much more enjoyable way to live. But if you are just after money then just take effective action. Your thoughts simply don’t matter. Just keep plowing ahead.

If you can’t take action then you are afraid. And now you know what to work on. The rest of this forum can be helpful for that.

Feel the fear and do it anyway. It will still work. But if you want to enjoy the ride then learn to overcome fear itself.

Or ignore the fear and do it anyway.

Or resolve the fear and do it.

Being able to resolve our concerns allows us to get started and keep going in a positive way. But the stuff still works even when we don’t believe. It is just impossible to do in some cases when we don’t believe. In those moments we have to resolve our fear or we can’t act. The rest of the time, if you want results now, just plow ahead.

When someone asks a leading entrapment question, do this:

Someone just asked me (first time requested, yaaayyy) a very unhealthy question.

How can I show my girl that an emotionally invested relationship is not worth living? What are the serious problems comes out of an emotionally invested relationship in the long run?

 

And this is what I did about it:

(sigh), why would you want a relationship at all then? You could easily get your needs met (ah, see there I go again already putting emotion back into it – like you want that) by just reading a book.

 

Every relationship is based in emotional involvement. While it is true that there are a very few people out in the world that truly desire to live life without feeling any emotion it just doesn’t seem to work out at all for them. Being purely logical, There have been studies done of people that have had brain damage and can’t feel emotion anymore. When they are given a contract to sign that benefits them immensely and have the choice to sign it with a black or a blue pen they are completely paralyzed. They can’t sign it. There is no logical reason to choose black over blue given no priority is given to one over the other. So they miss out. The rest of us use some sort of emotional context or personal feeling to finish the decision. Without emotion we go nowhere fast.

 

This really concerns me as a question if it is sincere. It deeply concerns me of the possible context here. I am just trying to imagine what desires a person would have to not want an emotionally invested relationship. I am truly hoping it is to keep the relationship uncomplicated and not the desire to manipulate and coerce your partner.

 

The other side to this is the serious problem that you get into by becoming emotionally involved in a relationship. But those problems are dwarfed in comparison to the problems of not becoming involved. THERE ARE PROBLEMS EITHER WAY. That is to say if you don’t become emotionally involved the relationship will just end anyway. So I am saying that emotion involvement is required if you want a good, healthy, mature, responsible relationship. A wonderful, enjoyable relationship far (very far) out ways the problems it took to get there.

 

Of course those same problems are only easily seen that way once you get through them. While you are in them it is hell-on-wheels. It is just awful. Terrible. And you just want to end the relationship anyway. So you do. Then you are lonely, tired, depressed, and all the other horrible things of being alone. But it’s not completely bad being alone. You get to do whatever you want when you want, you are in control of your own money, and you are not being imposed upon by someone with influence with you. There are some benefits to being alone. But just some. Not a lot.

 

Being in a wonderful relationship far out ways even those things though. But you have to pay the price for it.

 

You have to have the communication skills to do it. And those skills are icky to develop. Being vulnerable, sticking your neck out there to go for it is risky. Only we are after managed risk here. There are ways to protect yourself when you go for a real, mature, healthy, responsible relationship with another person. Develop those skills and then you can get good at the communication side. Pay the price.

 

Just think of it. A wonderful, fun, enjoyable relationship with another human being. Someone you can trust, empower, and receive admiration and appreciation from. It is incredible.

 

It is incredible because you simply just can’t get those feelings being alone.

 

It is worth it. Go for it.

 

So why don’t you?

 

I am guessing you were probably hurt in the past or maybe raised by cold, calculating parents? I’m going to go with having been hurt. So I get you. I feel your pain, my brother. It just seems easier to keep things straight up and not complicate it with “emotions”. Only you are not really doing that either here. It sounds like you are just wanting to be able to get certain emotional needs met here. And not have to deal with her deeper fulfillment. I get you (or maybe I have no idea what I am talking about, being way off base, having read this short question into something far into left field. No idea, so I will just keep going, hoping I am getting close to home).

 

You are still asking for certain limited feelings here even with a relationship without it because it is still a relationship. If you are doing that then I can see that some healing would be extremely beneficial on your end. Queue my obligatory Gutap method part of almost every post:

 

Gutap – the system to achieving core level change of any limiting belief.

 

Steps:

1 feel the feeling of the false belief to get it

2 find out what it truly wants you to learn in the positive

3 connect the feeling of the positive lesson (not the concept or picture) to the negative feeling of the false belief to let it flow into negative feeling to change it.

 

Everyone knows by now how to find out more about the Gutap method I developed if they want too so I won’t repeat it here. It is about how to change any false belief all the way to our core if needed.

 

Back to your question: Now is the part about getting out and actually finding out if a positive relationship is worth it. You have to do that. You need to find out if healthy relationships are worth it. And I am honestly guessing you probably already kinda know that. Google searches are fine but it doesn’t get real and hit home that it is worth it until you talk to people that have done it. When real people sit right in front of you and share with you the incredible wonders that emotional invested living gives you, well. . . . you just don’t quite get it until then.

 

So are you just saying you want the sex without the complications of a “relationship”? Because that is cold, dude. Truly cold. You have no idea what is going on in the mind of a women when you say that. If I were to ask you to take a full time job that has no pay, ever – that does not even come close to the horror going through this woman at this point. What you are asking for is the fun of having a prostitute at your beck and call while not having to pay her for it. Cold. Truly cold.

 

Do you see how terrible this can go? I truly hope this is not the case here and you are just asking for a simple relationship, to be able to chill with your girl, and not have to “get into it” with her. Many a man has wished for this on a Sunday afternoon during the football game but life is not always like that. But it can be if you learn the skills to work through the crap. But not until then. Life can be easy and enjoyable (as well as relationships too, of course) only once you do the incredibly hard work of mastering the skills to get there.

 

Yet another point (sorry, I have so many but I just want to be a bit thorough here so this stops for you) is, “Why would you even want the sex then without the deeper feelings?”. That’s where all the real fun is. See what I am getting at? Back to  – IT’S ALL ABOUT THE FEELINGS. There isn’t really anything else. That is how far off this question is that concerns me. I get that you want a certain type of feelings though. The good stuff, right? Well, at least that’s something to build on. Now, just pay the price of getting YOUR really good stuff because your really good feelings are almost always going to be good for her. A true, really true, win/win is possible and are what relationships (deep, fulfilling relationships) are all about). Pay the awful, horrid, difficult, sticky, awkward, messy price and be done with it. Then enjoy life.

 

Yep, if you pay the price you get to move on. It just doesn’t become that much of a mess anymore. It might but not usually. But even if it does you have skills now. You get to use them. And things work out.

 

Live well my friend, because you are in for it one way or another. Even if you choose to convince her somehow to go without emotional involvement she’s not ever going to truly buy into it. This is going to be even more difficult than learning deep emotional involvement. Yep, you heard me. Your question, if achieved, is going to be a harder life for you. Drop it. Get with the program. Learn to play with the rest of us. Life is a lot better after you get decent at it. I promise. (And so does pretty much everyone else.)

 

But it is up to you.

 

For the rest of us, we draw on our emotional relationships to help us through the pain of healing (or even just to get through tough times). Then when we get better we return those feelings by supporting and caring for others to build our relationships even stronger. And our lives get better.

 

The more you want out of life the more work it is going to take to get it. So the better your relationships are the more ability you are going to have to get through it.

 

Thanks for being ballsy enough to ask me to answer this question whoever it was.

 

The Dark Side of Winning the Lottery

Ok, so the big point here is that if you don’t have the discipline to get large amounts of money to begin with (notice I didn’t say earn or deserve because it turns out those two qualities may or may not even have anything to do with getting rich) then you don’t have the discipline to handle it afterwards.

It’s not just about budgeting, spending wisely, and staying away from cocaine and hookers either. It’s about all the people around you who want a piece of your freebee.

 

Here’s a very informative post I found on Reddit> http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/24vo34/whats_the_happiest_5word_sentence_you_could_hear/chb4v05?context=3

 

Very interesting. Can you imagine having the discipline to have won the lottery and really never tell anybody about it? That is the prime mistake these lottery winners made>

http://www.businesspundit.com/10-people-who-won-the-lottery-then-lost-it-all/

and here> http://situationroom.blogs.cnn.com/2012/11/28/lottery-winners-lives-ruined/

and here> http://newsfeed.time.com/2012/11/28/500-million-powerball-jackpot-the-tragic-stories-of-the-lotterys-unluckiest-winners/

and here> http://newsfeed.time.com/2012/11/28/500-million-powerball-jackpot-the-tragic-stories-of-the-lotterys-unluckiest-winners/

And list just keeping going on and on> https://www.google.com/search?q=win+lottery+bad&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8

 

Thoughts on how you would handle success? A little different now, eh?

Success in love and money. How would you handle meeting the significant other of your dreams? You just won the “relationship” lottery. How would that go?

If you have the discipline to keep your mouth shut and be smart then you would probably never really ever play the lottery, right?

Now you have something to tell that crazy uncle who keeps saying, “One day when I win the lottery . . . “.

Suddenly, I feel like buying my first lottery ticket.

Man Buys Lottery Tickets to Break $100 Bill, Wins $10M

http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/weird/Man-Buys-Lottery-Tickets-to-Break-100-Bill-Wins-10M-289487081.html

“Seriously? That could have been me.”

How many times have you heard that?

Do people really think this will happen to them?

Or do they just not think they have any other option for making it big?

 

Here are six fun “practical” insights (not all encompassing, of course) shared by self-made billionaires. I just googled self made billionaires and was surprised how many there were. You should check it for yourself.

“It’s fine to celebrate success but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure.”
–Bill Gates

“Part of being a winner is knowing when enough is enough. Sometimes you have to give up the fight and walk away, and move on to something that’s more productive.”
–Donald Trump

“If you want to see the true measure of a man, watch how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.”
–J.K. Rowling

“As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.”
–Andrew Carnegie

“If you never want to be criticized, for goodness’ sake don’t do anything new.”
–Jeff Bezos

“Sweat equity is the most valuable equity there is. Know your business and industry better than anyone else in the world. Love what you do or don’t do it.”
–Mark Cuban

Quotes were pulled from this random blog:
http://www.inc.com/larry-kim/6-extraordinary-lessons-in-business-from-self-made-billionaires.html

How many more examples are other people showing us that they have written about? Go google it and see.

Did you know J.K. Rowling was turned down by seven publishers before getting Harry Potter published? She was living on welfare when she mapped out the first book or so on a napkin in a coffee shop. Her book only got printed because the young daughter of the publisher loved it so much she kept begging her dad to publish it until he did. Yep, the publisher didn’t even think it was good enough to publish. He only did it to placate his daughter. (Well, maybe he thought it might have made a buck or two?)

Donald Trump is a little controversial for this list because his dad had already made millions in real estate. The lesson with Trump is not really self made but second generation that capitalized on success.

We can all learn from these two lessons:

From nothing to beyond greatness

to

Building upon our existing strengths to explode into greatness

 

Come and discuss the most powerful skills related to success.

 

Toby Jensen
Master Life Coach
www.TobyJensen.com
Personal Development for Those Who Love to Grow

The most well-known secret to life: sales

The most well-known secret to life: sales

Nothing happens until somebody sells something. You don’t win or lose a job, get a date for Friday night, or even get out of bed in the morning until you are sold on something. This influence through sales is one of the single most well-known, influential skills for our day.

Why don’t more people do sales? Well, they do. That is to say they do it poorly. The successful become more successful by not just learning about sales (anybody can read a book) but by practicing this life skill itself. You don’t get to choose whether you are in sales or not. You only get to choose if you are going to use it or will it use you?

What are you selling?

The Darkside of Success

One of the best kept secrets of successful business people is they get support. They take care of themselves. And they know how to change things back to that if they need too. If you are looking for a dark side to give yourself an excuse to not achieve success then just look at the dark side of being a failure. That is much worse.

Gutap is being used to achieve this change more and more often. If you want a dark side to it all? It is that they have to work insanely hard to achieve this. The cure can be worse than the disease. Dealing with the shadow is required in order to be healthy, responsible, and successful.

The Single Greatest Investment

The Single Greatest Investment

The best thing money can buy is higher quality of life for yourself and others.

Wisdom.

Freedom, opportunity, expansion are all aspects of a higher quality of life.

All other purchases such as unconditional love from a dog, a beautiful Tesla electric motor car, a dream vacation walking The Great Wall of China, so that when you live longer (rich people tend to live longer than the poor) you enjoy it. Buy for yourself first so you can have more to buy for others. There is no way you can buy more time. At least not more than 24 hours in a day. But you can buy more ability to expand and enjoy your current amount of time. The ability to “slow” things down and appreciate them. You can also buy efficiency: food being cooked for you, traveling by jet instead of bus, text message instead of post, you get the idea. Free up your time with money. Oh, yeah, yes, you can buy more time. Rich people live longer than poor people. How’s that for buying more time?

The rich and successful who also enjoy their lives with plenty of time to do what they want keep the priorities that got them there. Not just smart work but also spending what they have in appropriate, responsible ways on personal development first.

Come and share what makes you successful while learning from other successful people.

Information Overload: How do I get rid of . . .

Information Overload: How do I get rid of my habit of saving anything & everything that I find useful, interesting on the internet?

 

I spend a lot of time online, and browse through many social media & other websites such as Pinterest, Quora, Facebook (product), etc.

While browsing on the internet, if I find anything that is humorous, informative, etc. I HAVE to save it! I feel the need to store the data thinking I may never get the same data again.

Sometimes, I do this by storing webpages, or by saving images of a similar kind in a folder. Sometimes even the need to store the data physically!

For example: While browsing on Quora yesterday I came across this question : What are the funniest Game of Thrones meme images? Being a Game of Thrones (TV series) fan, I really enjoyed the different memes. I immediately thought of creating a folder (named ‘GoT memes’ maybe!) and storing the best images (for that matter all of them!)

Similar instances on Facebook & Pinterest!

 

Is it just me or some of you also do similar things?

Do you think my behavior is fine?

If not, how do I get rid of my habit?

 

# Edit : I just did it again! I have added too many topics to this question. 😛

 

 

 

 

Pain

Remember your pain is what starts us off.

 

Jack-of-all-trades, master of none.

 

Is that what you truly want? I mean, doesn’t this just boil down to being a know-it-all? How impressive is that to people compared to being intelligent and effective? Add a few points to a conversation and let those sink in. That is far more effective and trying to know about everything.

Or is this the problem? That you have a short attention span, delighted by everything?

This problem comes from too much stimulation. So cut it down. Where is your pain in your life? Bring back just a tad of that to keep things in perspective.

Or is this a problem of hoarding? Because hoarding bookmarks on the internet is incredibly doable with bookmark apps. Why stop? I don’t really see a problem here. In fact, if you keep your bookmarks public in your app then others can share and comment which build your own community that could, one day, even be turned into a profitable business endeavor or even another search engine.

Don’t stop. There is no problem here. Now go out and get really good at it, just keep it as a hobby, or whatever.

But if you are worried about how much unproductive time you are wasting . . . well, that is another problem. But if you are sharing and “talking” then that can be incredibly valuable. The internet has provided another means of staying in communication not just to those we love and care about (friends, family, coworkers, etc.) but also the masses at large. And people and capitalizing on it. So why shouldn’t you? Well, when any strength becomes over extended it may become a problem. Is this actually a problem or just being perceived as one?

You asked, “Is it just me or some of you also do similar things?”. I think any brief perusal on Pinterest, Facebook, Quora, or any other social media shows millions upon millions of others doing the same thing.

I would say you are not talking enough. The automatic correction to this comes in the form of, “Who is listening?”. Is anybody responding? Are you engaging with people?

Now, on another note, you did mention one thing that might be a concern. Actually storing the data. If this is being saved to your hard drive or even copies of the data being saved to the cloud then this could easily be classified as “hoarding” (obsessive compulsive). Ever seen the TV show? Very little is ever erased from the internet these days. And stuff that is often gets reposted immediately in several places. If this is your concern then there is a problem. Hoarders (obsessive compulsive) talk about this. That they might not get it again. It is a scarcity mentality.

“If not, how do I get rid of my habit?”

For that I recommend Gutap.

 

This class is about what you think your problem is compared to what the actual problem is about.

What is really going on? I just love the answers found in psychology and personal development. Come and talk about them.

 

Focus and Results (without losing global awareness)

What are some strategies to stay focused on tasks and actually get stuff done when creativity/ADD is on overload?

We are often under immense pressure to do more with less. But how do we go about it in a healthy, responsible manner?

The positive side is that you actually have some constructive things to add to the projects. Do you know how many lazy, negative, worthless things people try to “chip in” with to improve something? You actually want to help in a constructive manner. You are already staying out of the trap of pointing out flaws to passively aggressively destroy the project. Anybody can say why something won’t work. That’s easy but coming up with ideas that could actually work? That takes real skill!

And that is the beginning to the answer. Run with the ideas to let them lead you to what will actually work. Overload can bring an emotional rush (a high) that could even lead to being bipolar. So what to do? Ask yourself, Or have someone ask you some basic questions about what you want to do? Of course you have to live in the clouds, that is what creative people do. But how do you actually LIVE there?

Do you want to get lost in ideas or do you want to actually be effective and get a paycheck?

Do you want the feeling of the rush of ideas more than being recognized by others and received the feeling of solid admiration?

Do you want to make some changes or just spout off at the mouth?

Do you want to be grounded, solid, and effective or do you want to float away in the clouds going nowhere?

This sounds a lot easier in theory than in practice. There is a complete niche developed in life coaching for creative people. Many incredible insights and developments have been added to the field. For the practice side I added Gutap to it to help turn the ADD into more constructive creativity.

Come and learn about focus as a part of overall awareness. This class is not just about mental illness. It is about what confident, healthy, successful people can learn from the mistakes of others to be even greater. Wise are those who learn from others and not just their own mistakes.

Contact Toby

Toby Jensen, Master Life Coach
Park City, UT
(801) 484 - 3484

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