Start with what is obviously a problem for you that you want to work on. Ask yourself what you believe that is not working that needs to change for you to be healthy and successful.
Here is a fun, short little cartoon someone created on awareness that I have found helpful:
1. Get educated: psychology, self-improvement, science, politics, cultural norms and deviations
2. learn from recognized professionals
3. Find what makes real honest, fair sense and begin applying it to see if it will work
4. Measure results: test things out to see what actually works in helping you
5. Get appropriate feedback from friends, family, trusted associates, coworkers, and professionals
– From competent people who you can trust
There is a difference between genuinely healthy actions and just personal preferences in determining what is healthy and what will actually work.
Exercise is scientifically proven to be healthy for almost everyone (unless you have medical problems). Now, having said that, there are so many forms, intensities, and variations. The different ways to go about exercising is just personal preference. Or depends on what you want to accomplish.
Healing and learning skills are two different things. Wanting to exercise is very different from being able to learn the breast stroke in swimming, how to run a marathon, or lifting weights in the gym. Swimming, running, and weight lifting require learning different types of skills. Don’t confuse skills learning with healing.
Here are some basic guidelines in choosing a professional to work with.
1 Are they competent in teaching what I need (not just doing)?
2 Do we like each other?
They know me well because it is a very personal process
How well will we work together?
How do we know that we will accomplish our intention?
These are the five questions I ask a professional before I hire them.
How many people have you trained in this area?
How do I know you can train in this area?
What do you know about my personal problem?
What can you teach me about how to deal with the cost?
What results can I expect?
It gets complicated but not impossible. Complication is just one of the reasons why the greatest minds in the world have not been able to figure out Gutap.
I have often seen the reframing method used that you describe. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and NLP are just two of the more recognizable forms of reframing. Overwriting one behavior with another. Its success depends on how strong the feelings are associated with the false belief. There can be some success if a much stronger positive feeling is used to overwrite a negative one. The problem is that negativity can always be the exact amount of strength as the positive one. They can be equal. Negativity can even out way the positive feeling. (Or that negativity cannot be eliminated from the universe, so what do we do with it.) Which is more often the real problem. It is often said that seven or more compliments are needed to out way just one negative insult. This is why reframing fails so often. The negative false belief is simply erasing your “opposite” positive feeling faster than you can overwrite it. What you need to do is find the matching positive feelings. Only that will supplant the original false belief for good.
In this case negativity can often out way the positive belief because of a higher law in place. The higher law is the long term success of our self-improvement. Meaning if the positive feeling doesn’t match exactly then the old false belief gets to hold out and stay. You can’t force feelings and expect them to work well.
Can you force someone to fall in love with you? That is what reframing and overwriting are claiming.
Can you force a teenager to behave? That is what reframing and overwriting are claiming.
Can you force the middle east to resolve their terms? That is what reframing and overwriting are claiming.
Can you force someone to forgive another individual? That is what reframing and overwriting are claiming.
It gets a little confusing because there is a place for will power (short term forcing things together) in the healing process. But it is not in the reframing but it is also not even in choosing the opposite behavior which is positive. Not just any positive feeling will cure any false belief. It has to be just the right matching one.
For example: There is a simple cure for anger. One thing. And only one thing that cures anger. It is forgiveness. Forgiveness cures anger. Nothing else. Gratitude, opportunity, perspective, context, enthusiasm, courage, being free, excitement, trust, and being certain do not cure anger. They are the wrong positive match of feelings. Only forgiveness cures anger. And it does it in less than two seconds (if you do it). Letting go, get off it, moving on – these are all soft forms of forgiveness and will probably get you there as well. What is interesting is the end result is also not the cure for forgiveness. People often say to calm down, relax, or be happy. But you can’t really get to have those things until you forgive. Only by forgiving are you able to then move to these other emotional states of being calm, relaxing, and being happy. People often confuse the end result of being cured as the cure itself. It is what reframing has confused as well. You can rewrite calm, relax, and happy on your anger all you want but it won’t change it. It will only move it around. Only forgiveness will resolve it once and for all.
Well, what about the fullness of joy and love? Won’t that feeling cure my anger because love is the answer. Love includes all the positive emotions like forgiveness so just let love into my anger and that will do it, right? Nope. It won’t work because the cure is now too big. Anger can go passive aggressive and hide out now because you are over doing it. Before it was the wrong match of positive emotion. Now it is too big. Pure love is a cure for something else, not anger.
The moment you leave your “path” a false belief is created. In that same moment your way back was also created. You don’t get to choose the way back after that because it was already done. To determine your own answer at that point is delusional. Just because it is wonderful does not mean it will help your own false belief. The good news? Your own answer is always wonderful but maybe not the wonderful you would have liked it to have been. But once you are healed you have the ability to achieve whatever positive result you would have liked to have picked. You don’t get that option until you are healed though.
Because there has never been an answer like this before self-improvement gurus keep promising quick fixes and pleasant work to flatter people into attending their courses. By promising that the road to health and success is easy and pleasant then they get butts in seats and make incredible amounts of money. The problem is that it doesn’t work which is one of the reasons that the self-improvement arena is seen as being full of charlatans, liars, cheats, and just plain frauds and thieves. Even the field of psychology is rejected as a “real” science by many professionals. But people don’t care that it doesn’t work because they feel good: entertained, flattered, rejuvenated, etc. etc. by the end of the workshop/session even though their programming has not really been changed.
Here is a whole other thread on debating someone over whether The Sedona Method works or not. This should also help shed some light on the difference between significant progress and complete resolution. (only 2 pgs.)
Remember – counting to ten, going for a walk, or seeing it from their perspective will have significant progress in resolving your anger. But you will still be angry only just less so by doing these things. Only forgiveness cures anger completely. Just do that and you don’t have to waste all that time and energy with those coping skills.
Just do what works and you get what you want every single time.
(Oh, and I have written out the whole process of Gutap as a book on my site for anybody who wants a complete description of the process.)